i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
