if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
