Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
