so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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