Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
