he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
