btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize