just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he was CRYING into my vagina
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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