Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
