first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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