Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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