i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
