As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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