I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
