Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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