I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
