the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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