What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
