Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
