I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
