Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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