I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize