Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
