i think my mom watched the whole time
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
