Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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