my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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