Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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