Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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