I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
