I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
