Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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