Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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