He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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