Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize