My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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