Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wish i was in the wii world.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
