There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize