If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
