I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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