I wish I only lived at night.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
