Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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