He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Randomize
