I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
