im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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