apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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