Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
