Me too!
im six kinds of drunk right now
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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