A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
smell my finger.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
