Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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