im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
