the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
