if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
