Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
