We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
