oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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