I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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