When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
