Your dad touched me again.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
