dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
