the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
