i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
you never un-have a 4some
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
