she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
