I wish life had little blips of pornography
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
