i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
