I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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