New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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