I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize