He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
