Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
