the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
