I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
