I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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