I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
